"Hello, Your profile caught my interest. By most standards I am considered intelligent, open minded, funny, sporty and a kind man :) Would you like to exchange more info?"
Okay, so it's not creepy, but where is the effort? This guy could have copied and pasted this generic message to 50 women for all I know. Tell me *why* my profile caught your interest. Where do you think we connect?
Also, "by most standards" is not reassuring. *Most* people are idiots. C'mon, you all know it's true. Well, I sure know I'm not average. I'm not saying I'm above average, I'm saying I'm weird. Anyway, your profile already has all that garbage about how awesome you are. Why don't you tell me something new?
It hardly matters though. I'm meeting someone on Thursday. He's a chef so, you know, bonus points already. He loves camping, he lives in the same town, he doesn't smoke, and actually, a couple of people I know also know him (small town, remember?) and say he's good people. So, we'll see. I know that didn't exactly work with Sneezy, but this guy could be totally different. We'll call him Chef, not to be all obvious about it or anything.
To wrap up, I watched the movie Friends with Kids over the weekend. It was no Bridesmaids (yes, I'd heard it compared) but it was amusing. One exchange had me in tears (of laughter):
Leslie: I have at least four set-ups. One of which is promising.
Julie: And what about the other ones?
Leslie: Not as promising.
Ah, the dating life.
Here is a good profile intro (in contrast to the last post):
Intelligent, funny, handsome, honest, dependable, sincere, strange, courageous, tall, fit, handy, worldly, friendly, confident, organized, punctual. These are just a few of the words I know.
Unfortunately I don't think he and I are a match made in heaven given some other profile info, but at least he starts off very well. This guy's messages will probably be returned. (He has not messaged me, just showed up as a possible match.)
FIRST AND FOREMOST, I AM SINGLE. this in itself, speaks volumes!
Really? How? What does it say? That at 39 you're still single so obviously a catch? I mean, you might be a catch, but if you're asking me to interpret this weird introduction, it may not be interpreted well.
Also, this guy LOVES CAPS!! And loves highlighting his amazing features FOR THE LADIES! For example...
I am chivalrous (and YES LADIES, it is NOT dead! LOL!) I'm WITTY, and YES, sarcastic at times. I am VERY compassionate. I would LOVE to meet a woman who can COMPLIMENT my life and NOT COMPLICATE it. I enjoy shopping (YES LADIES, SHOPPING!). IF you are looking for someone who is sincere, honest, funny, hard working AND if you are willing to give the same back to me, then I say drop me a line and let's take this forward....... And if an I'M or Message is sent to you Please be kind and Reply Fair is Fair.
And here is the message he sent me: "Good morning and what a beautiful smile and lovely eyes hope you have a great day Hope to hear from you"
First of all, it's called punctuation, please use it. Second, you should read this:
How to not be terribly, blatantly shallow on OKCupid
Think it through: If you’re messaging someone, they know you’ve seen their pictures and you clearly approve of how they look. Commenting on their appearance comes across as creepy (“nice tits”) or uncreative (“you have beautiful eyes”). So keep your mouth shut (or your typing fingers inactive) when it comes to comments about someone’s face/head/body.
How about telling me what about my profile made you message me. Oh - nothing? Just my face? Thanks but no.
Sorry sir, I won't be replying. Actually, I kind of want to PUNCH you for being ANNOYING. And *you* obviously didn't read *my* profile which says, "You should message me if you live in the same city as me, I'm looking for a local relationship." You're two hours away. Good day sir. I SAID GOOD DAY!
Seriously. After a fifth date with Sneezy I've decided he's not it either. And maybe I knew it wouldn't work with either Happy or Sneezy but I needed to tackle them one at a time. I don't regret ending things with Happy. As lovely as he was, I just don't think we were right. But neither are Sneezy and I.
To be honest, there were a couple of things on our fifth date that made my mind up, and still, I wasn't even sure we were dating! It turns out he thought we were, but is a slow mover. I don't think him making a move at that point would have made any difference. And it's also good that I decided before he went in too far.
So how can this not be me? Okay, maybe it's unrealistic to assume that I would fall in love with one of the first three guys I meet online. I mean, it's a pretty superficial match-making medium. I dunno.
Anyway, now I decide whether to get back on the site, or give up for a bit again. Nothing so terrible happened so perhaps I should keep going while I have some momentum. Maybe the love of my life is right around the internet corner...
I had a third date with Happy (Sneezy holding at four). More fun - nighttime corn maze! So you're probably wondering why I decided to stop seeing Happy when our dates were so much more fun and interesting that the ones with Sneezy (and were definitely dates). I'll do my best to explain.
We wandered the maze with excellent team skills. We just wandered around until it got dark, then we got down to solving the puzzle in the maze. I think we ended up spending about an hour and half wandering around. We had lots of time to talk. It was a good way to bring up things that were important to me quite casually. And it gave me lots to think about.
He held my hand at one point, and when he dropped me home he kissed me on the cheek. He also paid, again (though he did let me buy him a pint later).
So why did I decide to end it?
I decided that I needed to think about what was important to me in a relationship, and then to think whether Sneezy or Happy was better poised to offer me that. In the end, and because of some fundamental differences, I decided to end it with Happy. I could see Sneezy and I doing things a month from now, but I couldn't even see Happy and I doing stuff beyond next week. I just couldn't see where we could go relationship-wise. It's hard to explain. But once it was done (and Happy was really understanding and kind - again!) I felt more excited about Sneezy.
I think Happy may be one of those guys I always wonder about, and had there not been two guys to choose from, and it was only Happy, I might have kept dating him just to see what happened beyond next week, and maybe it would have been great. But I made the call and I must keep going. So Sneezy and I are out on the weekend. We'll see...
So, I've had two dates with Happy and four with Sneezy. I feel like I need to let Happy catch up to even the playing field!
Sneezy and I had two more meals, dinner and brunch (so far, despite saying he's an avid hiker and into all sorts of stuff, all we've done is meals; it's getting a bit boring). Incidentally, he hasn't smoked once since that first date so I guess he really is quitting. And Sneezy also brought up the can-you-joke-about-anything debate, this time changing his stance to agree that a very few, but important, subjects may indeed be taboo. I think he thought about that one and realized what may have been happening there. So far though, Sneezy has not tried to do more than hug me (even though I kissed him on the cheek on date number three), and keeps splitting the bill, so I'm actually not sure we're dating. Maybe we're just friends hanging out?
Happy and I went and looked at art which was really fun again. Our tastes overlap a lot so at least when we decorate our shared home we won't fight over art. Heh. He was fun, funny and interesting again. And he's honest. It's hard to explain but he just is.
I feel incredibly dirty though. I'm dating two guys. And sure, it's very early days, and quite possibly they too are dating other people, and no one has asked or suggested otherwise yet, so I guess this is just dating and I need to stop being such a kid. I just don't think I can do it for much longer. The guilt will eat me and I won't have any time for friends (who have already complained for missing me).
It would be nice if one of these guys would just totally blow it, because so far they are both pretty decent.
I feel so guilty that I've had three dates in one week. Three dates with three different guys. I already feel like I'm cheating! Anyway, you know how my dates with Sneezy were, so let's briefly meet Happy and Doc.
First Happy. Aptly dwarf-named. Man was he happy! He was so different from who I read he was online. In a totally good way. I was actually worried he was going to be a bit of a dick (and this is why it's important to meet people in person). Instead he was happy, fun, thoughtful, kind and considerate. And he paid for drinks. In fact we were supposed to go mini-golfing but the place was closed. Bummer. At least he planned a fun first date - bonus points - even if we ended up just having drinks. And he offered me a lift home (which I took as we were a ways out, it was dark, and I had just missed a bus).
I'm intrigued by Happy. He will definitely get a second date.
Now Doc. Doc is a geek - which is totally okay. I myself am a nerd. But Doc is a geek who is the doppelganger of one of my co-workers. A co-worker who is perfectly nice to work with but who I would never in a million years date! His mannerisms, his way of speaking - same! He even looked like a younger version of him! So I knew quite quickly that it was not likely going to work out for us, but we grabbed teas to go and went for a nice long walk, then returned for another tea.
Doc didn't lose the doppelganger unfortunately, and he clinched it all when he damn near yelled, "I'm NEVER getting married again! OR having anymore kids!!!" Woah Doc, woah. That's cool if that's how you feel but maybe don't SCREAM it on the first date! I may not want or need those things, but maybe I'd like to know they are something that could be talked about when the time is right! Who knows, maybe that is an absolute firm NEVER so he really needs to get it out on the first date. I just think that may shut a lot of people down when you should let them get to know you first.
So Doc will not get a second date. Although, because he asked me right at the end of our date, and I can't say no to someone's face (previously discussed), I said yes. So now I'll have to do an on-second-thought message. Sigh.
And then there were two.
