You'd think after dating seven guys in four months I'd have had luck with at least one of them right? Well, you'd be wrong. And probably raising one eyebrow in that, "What's going on there?" kind of way. I know I am. I'm on the fence as to whether it's me or the dating pool. I mean, I am the common denominator in all of these. But here is my defence...
Guy #1. First date was largely spent griping about exes and what losers they are. "She dumped me but now she has three kids with three different guys. Who is the loser now?" Uh, still you buddy, because you have to drag up other people's misery to feel better. Red flag one. Red flag two was him announcing he didn't have any friends. The third flag was him directly insulting me. Despite his follow-up email saying that he thought things went well even though he was a bit nervous and hoped we could meet up again soon, there was no second date.
Guy #2. First date actually seemed to go well. He was nervous, but in a cute, bumbling sort of way. I thought there was potential and after some good conversation, felt I wanted to see this guy again. Shortly after the date, the messages started: "I miss your eyes," "I miss your beautiful smile," "I can't wait to see you again." A little creepy considering we'd only had one, short date. I mean, one message would have done it. But they didn't stop. It got overwhelming. Smothering. Stalkerish. Despite worrying that this was not a good sign, I agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to second date. Which only prompted, "I can't wait to see your eyes again," "I can't wait to see your beautiful smile," "I can't wait to hold you." Uh oh. And so date two went through as planned, all through dinner, unending comments of adoration and professions of true love. For some chics that might be nice, but this was a second date, not a second anniversary. I was not looking to get hitched tomorrow and the whole thing was a little too freaky in that needy/clingy kind of way. There was no third date.
Guy #3. First date was great. Short but enticing enough for a second date. Second date was good. Third date... first red flag. He's a smoker. That in itself is not a flag necessarily, but when he says he isn't and then turns out he is, that makes him a liar. But you know, people will say silly things. "The lie wasn't that big," I thought. But where one small lie surfaces, others are bound to follow. And those surfaced after a couple of months. Text message: "I met someone and I really want to give her a chance." (And yes, after two months, all I was worth was a fleeting text message.) I mean, I knew this was going down the crapper, but we hadn't even talked about it so the fact that he was already looking for someone else and dating others when he said he wasn't and when he was supposed to be giving us a chance, well, lets just say his behaviour was less than honourable. But he really wanted to remain friends. I don't know about you but I don't make friends with lying two-timers who can't even pick up the phone to blow me off. Despite his constant messaging post-dumping, we are not friends.
Guy #4. Nice guy. Nerdy. Cool nerd. Nervous as heck. But every once in a while relaxed just enough to have some fun and make me laugh. Deserving of another chance. Second date, more fun and laughs. But I dunno. Not really feeling it. Hesitantly agree to third date at the end of which, guy is still so nervous around me that he shakes as he tries to kiss me goodnight. And puts his shaking hand on my bum. Nervousness is cute on a first date - on a third date it's a bad sign. I had to focus very hard to not laugh. Especially as he was trying so hard. There was no fourth date. But we have stayed in touch.
Guy #5. Nice guy. In a boring, put me to sleep kind of way. Here is a guy who has done some really cool things like motorcycle across Africa. But in telling of the adventure can make watching paint dry seem like a very exciting alternative. Agreed to second date anyway, hoping nervousness was his excuse. It wasn't. He is actually really boring. No third date, we have not stayed in touch.
Guy #6. Funny, cute, nice, five good dates. Wondering what went wrong? Me too. He did warn me his last girlfriend said he was always looking for perfection and as a result would end up alone and unhappy. She may be right. Too bad he can't be bothered to do anything about it. Always looking for the one, small, wrong thing. I am reminded of Chandler ("She smelled like soup.") but even Chandler found Monica so maybe there's hope for this guy after all. I'm just not his Monica. Which was disappointing for me. But I got over it pretty quick and I think we may actually be friends. Which still leaves me single.
Guy #7. I didn't even know we were dating when I had to break up with him. Seriously. When #7 and I started hanging out, he knew I was seeing #6 so how did he assume that he and I were dating? No idea. On top of logic, there was no intimacy, no hand-holding, no kisses, no nothing between #7 and I. But apparently we were dating for three weeks. I only realised his error in judgement when he pulled a boyfriend thing that I wouldn't even tolerate from someone I considered my boyfriend. And I had to set him straight. And he was confused. But not as confused as me.
And so there we have it. This is what's out there. Next time I'm asked why I'm single I may just sigh in response.
