My dating blogs always seem to be the most humorous, despite the disasters, but the last guy I dated was actually very nice. It was clearly the old it's-not-you-it's-me situation so maybe for a refreshing look at my dating life, we can laugh at me for a change. Although, as lovely as he was there may be one or two bits where we laugh at him as well, just for old time's sake. They may be weak but we'll do our best.
So, two beautiful friends set me up at their wedding. It's not as hideous as you might imagine; it was more of an after-wedding shindig they were having. Very casual and relaxed. I had been notified ahead of time that there might be someone of interest to me at the reception. He had been like-wise informed. I always worry when that happens. It creates a lot of pressure for the two people to make a go of it. I prefer if only one party is apprised of the possible match-made-in-heaven so that they can just happen to chat up the other and then there isn't cataclysmic and all-around embarrassment when things don't really go off.
In any case, I arrived at the reception nervous and excited. I'd seen a couple of pictures online, and despite the objections that will no doubt flow, I had visions of Edward Norton and John Cusack's love child in my head. As it turns out, their love child is quite short. Well, about the same height as me, but given Ed and John's stature, I'd expected more. Still, he was cute and he was dressed well.
I *think* he approached me first. He was interesting and good at making conversation. He was just finishing up his "article" at a legal aid clinic (article is a fancy term for an internship-type stint that would-be lawyers need to complete) and had a few months before he was "called to the bar" (more fancy talk meaning to become a full-fledged, real lawyer). He would be starting his own legal aid practice, focusing on human rights. How noble is that? I was wooed. He also played guitar and was learning the mandolin. I'd sworn off drummers but I'd made absolutely no promises about other musicians.
After the reception, a few of us went to a bar for more dancing. Lawyer (it'll just be easier) had gone ahead, and I wandered with the newlyweds and a couple of other friends shortly afterwards. Reveling in her newly married bliss by enjoying the locally brewed beers available at the reception, one of the newlyweds asked me if I had hit it off with the lawyer. I said yes. She proceeded to comment about how nice he was and that it wasn't surprising that he dated a lot.
Pause.
What?
Dated a lot?
How much?
In what way?
Is he really that nice if he is always just dating and not getting into an actual relationship?
Unfortunately, my friend was in no state to answer these questions. We continued to the bar, all the while this thing niggling in the back of my brain.
The bar was much fun, there was lots of dancing, Lawyer was still cute, still friendly, still fun. So was his friend who showed up. Two cute boys? Hmmmmmmm... But as it happened, I was sort of attached to Lawyer at this point, so Cute Friend was strictly hands-off. Who knows what might have transpired had I met Cute Friend first. But I didn't. And at the end of the night, Lawyer walked me home, and we arranged a second date. He even did it right by asking me if I'd like to go out Tuesday evening. None of that "would you like to go out sometime" nonsense. Real, concrete I-really-do-want-to-go-out-with-you stuff. Very attractive.
I should say that before I proceeded with our Tuesday date, I clarified the "dates a lot" issue which, as it turned out, meant he is easily approachable and also confident such that he both gets asked out often and asks women out often, but does not fool around or generally mess people about.
Date two (I kind of consider the wedding reception and dancing afterward with walk home the first date although it did nothing to quell my first-date nerves on date two) went well. Ran into a couple of friends of mine at the coffee shop, then one of his on our long walk around town. Good. We both know other people and look like we have lots of friends all over town. We're two friendly, likeable, social people. Still going well. Even when he tells me he is vegan. As a vegetarian I know I shouldn't judge a vegan, but I just don't get the honey thing. And all the other things that should be avoided but generally aren't thus making most vegans absolute hypocrites. I'll stop there. (Except to say I could not picture ever bringing a vegan to meet my Dad. We are a cheese-loving, full-egg-breakfast-on-Sundays kind of family. Can you imagine? "Dad! This is lawyer! He doesn't eat any meat! Or eggs. Or cheese. Or, well... anything." Accepting my vegetarianism was a struggle; I'd never thrust on him something I don't myself understand.)
Date three was sort of dates three, four and five as there was a weekend-long music festival which we both attended and spent time together at each day. This was the beginning of the end. And it really was me. But despite what some friends will tell you, I did not lose interest in Lawyer due to any lack of shoulders. There may well have been a lack of shoulders and therefore a worthwhile observation by my friend, but it had no bearing on my love loss. Nor did his fawning (not my words, also friend's observation).
In fact, I can't even pin it down. Was he too nice? Was it that he was a vegan? Was it that he was seven years younger than me and I just couldn't embrace cougardom? I was pretty sure that I was being stupid (and in fact am still convinced of it now that it's over) so I went on date six. He made me dinner at his.
So, let's see... Kind? Check. Intelligent? Check. Cute (albeit shouderless)? Check. Cooks? Check. Charitable? Check. Quite a few other things I look for? Check.
What was missing was the fire. When we kissed it was nice, but not electric. It doesn't always start with electric, and I know it can take time to get to electric, but there could at least have been some static to start. And I don't think any of the lacking of such spark was Lawyer's fault, or reflective of something he didn't have on offer. It was just me. For whatever reason, it just wasn't working for me.
Unfortunately, Lawyer's birthday was nigh and it didn't seem fair to ditch him on his day which, as it turns out, was the first time I saw him after having a proper think. I also had, um, plans... for girl's night... on his birthday (I did so!), so I was only able to pop round for a quick hello (in my defense he only properly invited me to his party two nights before).
I spent most of my short visit talking to Cute Friend rather than Lawyer (Lawyer was busy being host but I was admittedly also enjoying talking with Cute Friend). When I was saying goodbye, Lawyer reminded me that he was about to go on a ten day trip. I agreed that it was unfortunate I had to go so early but asked him to call me. Cute Friend walked me out of the party on his way and made me laugh so hard that a little bulb went on: Lawyer didn't crack me up. Sure he could be funny, but not bust-a-gut funny. And it is so important to me. So important in fact that when it's missing, despite everything else being pretty wonderful, it's just not right. Sigh.
Lawyer never called. Being treated so callously on his birthday I can't blame him. I hope he has found someone who appreciates all the great things he has on offer. He is a great catch. And I threw him back. Hopefully he doesn't think I'm too much of a jerk, not that I'd feel able to properly defend myself against such an accusation from him.
Where does that leave me? Wondering how long I need to wait until I can ask Cute Friend out.
