Wait, I think my gut is trying to tell me something

Maybe I always ruin it. Maybe it's me.

For our third date Reese asks me to his house for dinner. I know this seems like a logical first step, but I'd much rather that happen on a fifth date. That's a lot of pressure on a third date, because you know that if they aren't thinking sex, they are certainly thinking heavy make-out session. I would say maybe that's not always true except that in my experience it is. And sometimes I'm all in. Other times I'm not, like now. Too early (and when I say too early I don't mean ever, I mean in my feelings for Reese). But I say yes anyway because I don't have to play by his rules and make-out despite his hopes.

It's also probably a bit risky this early in a relationship to go to someone's house who you barely know. He may be a mad man! But since we were set up, I assume he's probably pretty safe. I don't think I'd feel the same having met someone online. Or I'd at least get tagged with some tracking device and give my friends the associated GPS so they could at least find my body later, or chase me if it appears I'm leaving his place and not heading home. I say that in jest but I probably shouldn't joke; it's probably happened, is happening right now to someone. {{SHUDDER}}

So okay, I go to his house. First impression? Ugh. Dirty, junky, needs a paint job, new carpet and new furniture - has he done anything here? But you know he has worked his ass off on a very tight budget to pay off his mortgage. I don't even own a house. So, perspective.

He made a lovely dinner with orzo and feta, and there was pie for dessert. After dinner it cooled off outside so we went inside. We sat on the couch and talked for awhile. He tells me a story that makes my little alarm perk up (uh oh), something about temper, and then he says, "So you said your next massage appointment was a couple of weeks away. I could give you one now."

And there it is. It's such a clichéd move. Sigh. I say no, that I'm fine, but he insists. I decide that I'll take the free massage but I'm not putting out (did I mention I have my period?) so I turn my back to him and he starts rubbing my shoulders. But he can't reach me properly so we have to sit on the floor (uh huh) and then , oh, it would be better if I laid down (really now?) but I do. He massages my back, my legs (he's getting a little cheeky but not invasive so I just ignore it), then, as he's massaging my arm he rests my hand in his lap and, oh no, that isn't. Yes, yes it is. I pull my hand away, not going to happen buddy, but nice try. He gets the hint, finished his massage, and I go to use the bathroom.

Now, while I'm in the bathroom the phone rings. He doesn't answer but he actually has one of those old school answering machines, not voicemail, and I hear a woman's voice. It's his ex. They're still friends. I know this. But she's asking how the date went. HA! I want to yell out, "Not well!"

When I come out of the bathroom, he is nowhere to be found. I wander around and see his patio door is open. I go out onto the deck and he's just chilling, looking at the stars. In another clichéd romantic move he puts his arms around me as we gaze at the stars. We kiss a little, and I explain, before he gets too ahead of himself that the timing is really not great for me. He understands, jokes that I can catch a cab home (no seriously, it was actually a really funny moment) holds me a little longer then we go back inside.

Once inside we sick back at the couch when he turns out the lights and pulls me to him so we're lying there together. I am not enjoying this. I really wanted to just relax and let this be fun and romantic but it is so cheesy I can't bear it. And then I hear my friend in my head telling me the advice her friend gave her, "Why are you fighting this? Why don't you think you deserve to be treated well?" and I try a little harder. I relax there on the couch in the dark and it's nice. We keep talking and then he tells me two more stories that raise my alarm again and then I say I have to go and he drives me home.

And here I am. I don't know how I feel. I don't want to be rushed. I think maybe we've just ruined it, I've just ruined it, by this rushing. I was having such fun! But perhaps I just need some time for reflection and to let myself accept being treated well. Perhaps I'm really not used to being treated well!

My sister is coming with her kids this weekend and then I am away on a canoe trip with a friend for almost a week. The timing is good because I'll be able to think. And when I come back fresh and collected, with my head on straight knowing I deserve goodness, I will go out with Reese again.

The second date was only three hours

But still a good three hours. We simply went for a walk along river trails, getting an ice cream and stopping a couple of times along the way to rest on a bench and chat to people we know who we meet along the way. Although we don't run into any mutual friends it turns out we actually have a few, aside from the one who set us up. I live a decent sized city with a small-town feel. Twice someone tried to set me up with someone I'd already dated. But I digress...

Still great conversation and more things in common. It's easy to walk along with him. Reese is a little shorter than me but not, it seems, by much. I've dated shorter before. A lot actually. It's not a deal breaker.

He says one thing that makes my alarms perk up. Reese tells me that since our first date (mere days ago) and my telling him about my upcoming races (try-a-tri and a 5k) he has started running. It's good to be an inspiration but the way he says it is like, "Because you run, I will now run." It's good he wants to create some common ground, I guess, so long as he also enjoys it. No one should ever do something I do simply because I do it. But again, so hard to read that stuff early on, and we have such a nice time, that I let it go.

When we get to my house he kisses me goodnight. He's actually quite a lot shorter than me, more than I realized, and it's weird to feel myself craning down so much, but I give into it and kiss him back. My thighs are not fire, I do not feel it in my gut or my toes, but it isn't messy, sloppy or invasive, so it's fine. I generally find first kisses to be quite awkward. And sometimes I just find date number two too early. I take time to develop that crush sometimes. But things are still good, so we'll see where date three takes us.

An eleven-hour first date

Yes. Eleven hours. Now, that could go two ways. Either it was horrific and there was some accident/emergency room visit/navigation problem or it was good and just evolved. In this case it was, thankfully, the latter. The second set-up.

I got an email earlier this week and we quickly and easily found a good time and made interesting (no boring coffee here!) plans.

On Saturday he picked me around 11:00 a.m. up and we went to an out-of-town music festival. He made a lovely picnic lunch (which I also contributed to), even accommodating my annoying vegetarian habits. When we got there the place was dead. The music hadn't quite started yet. So we sat and had our lunch and talked. He is attractive, funny, fit, employed, kind and generous. Huh. Good one friend-who-set-us-up.

So after lounging with our picnic and the music festival still not underway, we decide to go for a walk. He -- let's call him Reese (again, arbitrary, except I'm eating a Reese Peanut Butter Cup right now) -- and I wander around, looking at shops. Great conversation, we like looking at the same types of shops, he is thoughtful and friendly, even with passersby. We come to a pub and stop for a beer. More great conversation, laughs with the couple at the table next to us and he pays for the beer (well, done).

From there we walk back to the festival, we enjoy music for about an hour or so, then he asks if maybe I'd like to have dinner or I'd prefer to head home. I think dinner would be nice and Reese tells me he did some research, and if I like Indian, he found an Indian restaurant in the area with really great reviews. First, do I like Indian? Does a bear shit in the woods? Hellz yes! Second, planning and thoughtful research? Who the hell is this guy and how is he single?

We find the Indian place. It *is* amazing (though it looks like a hospital cafeteria). We take about ten times longer than any Indian person having dinner, but so does the other non-Indian table. Still, you know if Indian people eat there, the food is definitely amazing. After that we leisurely walk back through the music festival finally wending our way back to his car, and we proceed to drive home. More great conversation. Though he does say one thing that makes me think maybe he sin't really looking for a relationship (maybe he came out because our friend, well, my friend, his neighbour, set us up and he felt obligated?)

Anyway, eleven hours after he picked me up, he drops me off, simply says goodbye and then drives away. Wait, what?!? He didn't ask if I wanted to see him again or anything! So maybe it was obligation. But no, the next morning (this morning) and email thanking me for a lovely time, and saying he would like to do it again but understands if I don't, just didn't want to put me on the spot in person.

I wish all guys would do this, leave the "next date" ask until the next day, or at least, not immediately following the first date, in person, when you haven't even sorted out your thoughts. A much easier way to say no if you weren't feeling it too, and it saves everyone face. As we know I am terrible at saying no when asked because I just don't want to be a jerk, so I say yes and end up on second and third and fourth dates I never wanted to be on in the first place. But in this case, yes. It's a yes.