Turns out is was definitely him

I take it all back. I totally made the right call, and I totally read those alarms and my gut right. YAY GUT!

I thought it went so well last night! Reese was so understanding. But he was just saving it up...

Today: email. Angry email. Bitter, seething, crazy, angry email. Woah.

Basically, he was pissed. I was a liar. I'd lied about everything! I was a horrible person with no soul who lies and steals and eats babies and murders helpless seniors! Okay, he didn't say those things, but he did call me a liar. Said I made up the bats to avoid spending time with him. Said I'd lied about having to pack for my canoe trip! I didn't understand. Did he mean I'd lied about the canoe trip or just the packing part? Because most people do pack for trips!

Reese said he'd taken a sick day today, his first all year, because he'd been up all night with grief. I guess I should be flattered that after just four dates he was so in love with me that this broke him, but on the other hand... that's not normal is it?

He signed off with, "Whatever, this honey badger don't give a shit." I disagree Mr. Badger. You seem to give a whole *lot* of shits!

Why do guys do this? This isn't the first time I've gotten that bitter, scathing email within 24 hours of breaking up with someone I had only had a few dates with, and who seemed to be perfectly fine with it all. Is your ego just that damaged? Is this saving face? Are you generally deranged? Or am I the *worst* dumper ever?!? Maybe this is why I play the martyr and let people dump me. Just to avoid THIS!

In any case, I definitely made the right call if this is who he really is. Dodged a bullet there. Phew. I'm also guessing that he does not, in fact, want to go kayaking sometime. Oh well.

Aaaaaand we're done

It must be me, right? I mean, he was decent, right?

On August 10th Reese and I went on our fourth and final date. The whole time I was away on my canoe trip I was on the prowl. I didn't really think of him, but I did think about the hot canoeist/kayaker I would meet at any moment. I was actually actively looking. A smitten kitten does not do that.

I thought a lot about Reese after I got back and what I should do. We made plans for an outdoor movie; friends of mine were also attending. It seemed like a good idea, some outside perspective. And see how he got on with my friends. Maybe I needed a comfort date to get us back on track.

So on Friday he showed up, a bit late actually, to my place, and we walked downtown. It felt awkward. Like I knew something he didn't. Which doesn't much sound like I was giving him a fair chance, does it? I really wanted to try.

Reese already knew my one friend, and was introduced to two others. We watched the movie, we all chatted a bit afterward. And then Reese waked me home. I was yawning almost the entire time. I felt terrible. I was having a bat problem (yes, seriously) and wasn't really sleeping well (go figure) but it was so rude. So when we got to mine I apologized but said I really had to go to bed. I had also pretty much made up my mind. I'd felt awkward and terrible the entire date instead of relaxed and happy, and I knew that I knew it was done, and that I felt guilty. Terrible for even dragging him out, but I really did want to give the old college try. So when he kissed me goodnight I let him, I gave totally in desperately trying to feel something, anything. I didn't. And then I felt worse because I kissed him when I knew it was done. So I simply said goodnight planning to talk to him later, not right after the kiss which would surely scream, "YOU ARE A TERRIBLE KISSER AND I'M DUMPING YOU!" 

I'd had a similar experience as the dumpee and though the two were not connected, it still felt like they were, so I thought it better to allow a couple of days before the final blow.

Tonight after some bolstering from my friend, Jim, I phoned him. I figured I owed him that much for four dates and for our connection through a friend. But I also figured an in person dumping was mean. Would I really drag him out just to slap him in the face and send him home? Seemed a bit mean.

It was terrible but okay. He said he sort of knew and I felt more terrible (as I guess a dumper should). I said I'd be happy to kayak with him sometime if he wanted, but not to worry if he didn't. He said no problem. And that is that. I feel almost as terrible having to tell the friends who'd set us up tat it isn't going to happen. They had such high hopes! And I'd contributed to them with my tales of our amazing dates! Damn me! But it's for the best. Although I feel bad, I also feel great relief. And that is how I know I did the right thing.