Maybe I always ruin it. Maybe it's me.
For our third date Reese asks me to his house for dinner. I know this seems like a logical first step, but I'd much rather that happen on a fifth date. That's a lot of pressure on a third date, because you know that if they aren't thinking sex, they are certainly thinking heavy make-out session. I would say maybe that's not always true except that in my experience it is. And sometimes I'm all in. Other times I'm not, like now. Too early (and when I say too early I don't mean ever, I mean in my feelings for Reese). But I say yes anyway because I don't have to play by his rules and make-out despite his hopes.
It's also probably a bit risky this early in a relationship to go to someone's house who you barely know. He may be a mad man! But since we were set up, I assume he's probably pretty safe. I don't think I'd feel the same having met someone online. Or I'd at least get tagged with some tracking device and give my friends the associated GPS so they could at least find my body later, or chase me if it appears I'm leaving his place and not heading home. I say that in jest but I probably shouldn't joke; it's probably happened, is happening right now to someone. {{SHUDDER}}
So okay, I go to his house. First impression? Ugh. Dirty, junky, needs a paint job, new carpet and new furniture - has he done anything here? But you know he has worked his ass off on a very tight budget to pay off his mortgage. I don't even own a house. So, perspective.
He made a lovely dinner with orzo and feta, and there was pie for dessert. After dinner it cooled off outside so we went inside. We sat on the couch and talked for awhile. He tells me a story that makes my little alarm perk up (uh oh), something about temper, and then he says, "So you said your next massage appointment was a couple of weeks away. I could give you one now."
And there it is. It's such a clichéd move. Sigh. I say no, that I'm fine, but he insists. I decide that I'll take the free massage but I'm not putting out (did I mention I have my period?) so I turn my back to him and he starts rubbing my shoulders. But he can't reach me properly so we have to sit on the floor (uh huh) and then , oh, it would be better if I laid down (really now?) but I do. He massages my back, my legs (he's getting a little cheeky but not invasive so I just ignore it), then, as he's massaging my arm he rests my hand in his lap and, oh no, that isn't. Yes, yes it is. I pull my hand away, not going to happen buddy, but nice try. He gets the hint, finished his massage, and I go to use the bathroom.
Now, while I'm in the bathroom the phone rings. He doesn't answer but he actually has one of those old school answering machines, not voicemail, and I hear a woman's voice. It's his ex. They're still friends. I know this. But she's asking how the date went. HA! I want to yell out, "Not well!"
When I come out of the bathroom, he is nowhere to be found. I wander around and see his patio door is open. I go out onto the deck and he's just chilling, looking at the stars. In another clichéd romantic move he puts his arms around me as we gaze at the stars. We kiss a little, and I explain, before he gets too ahead of himself that the timing is really not great for me. He understands, jokes that I can catch a cab home (no seriously, it was actually a really funny moment) holds me a little longer then we go back inside.
Once inside we sick back at the couch when he turns out the lights and pulls me to him so we're lying there together. I am not enjoying this. I really wanted to just relax and let this be fun and romantic but it is so cheesy I can't bear it. And then I hear my friend in my head telling me the advice her friend gave her, "Why are you fighting this? Why don't you think you deserve to be treated well?" and I try a little harder. I relax there on the couch in the dark and it's nice. We keep talking and then he tells me two more stories that raise my alarm again and then I say I have to go and he drives me home.
And here I am. I don't know how I feel. I don't want to be rushed. I think maybe we've just ruined it, I've just ruined it, by this rushing. I was having such fun! But perhaps I just need some time for reflection and to let myself accept being treated well. Perhaps I'm really not used to being treated well!
My sister is coming with her kids this weekend and then I am away on a canoe trip with a friend for almost a week. The timing is good because I'll be able to think. And when I come back fresh and collected, with my head on straight knowing I deserve goodness, I will go out with Reese again.
No comments:
Post a Comment