I then went on one date where my gut told me, "This is the kind of guy you worry about meeting through online dating - a little bit creepy and who you think might just chop you up into bits in a dark alley." So obviously that didn't work out.
I updated my profile, added some new pictures and got a slew of "likes" and "winks" which I lament, again, are completely useless. If you like me, message me. Seriously. A like or wink does nothing. Are you actually just saying, "Hey, I wanted to let you know you're cute but I'm not really, terribly interested," or are you saying, "I really like you and want to talk to you, please message me back." Because if it's the latter, well, grow some ovaries and message me.
I messaged one guy who liked me. He read the message and never responded. Wait... what?!? YOU liked ME. WTF? So I don't know how to respond to those people. I half contemplated putting a note on my profile about this, something to the effect of, "Hey, if you want to talk to me just message me, don't wink at me or like me. Message me. If you wink or like me I'll assume you're just saying well done, looking good, you'll do well. Not with me but I think you'll be okay." But then I was worried I'd sound like an asshole which would put people off.
Maybe I could sweeten it with, "I'll make you a deal: if you at least make the effort to message me, I promise to respond, even if I'm not keen." Something I'm not currently doing as I haven't quite worked out how to message people back to say, "No thanks," in a way that doesn't totally make them feel like complete and utter shit. I mean, I have toughened up. When a guy doesn't message me back I chalk it up to him just not being interested and that's okay. Apart from the guy who said he was interested anyway - that guy is an asshole and an idiot.
But that also brings me back to my whole belief in the necessity of "the chase". Of the man needing to make the first move and do the first date ask. Here I thought the first move was liking me. So I followed up with a message. And then he ran away. Perhaps I should have just liked him back, let him send the first message - if he was ever going to. But piss or get off the pot people! I hate games! Unless it's games night at a friend's and the games are Four On The Couch or Settlers of Catan.
So today, reading this article that purported to be about wage inequality (it wasn't), I found my self screaming, "YES!" as I read along to this:
However, Anderson's definitive rule is this: "the person that asks pays." It should be relied on in 99 of 100 situations, she says. Women who ask men out should expect to pay, and she says splitting the bill just isn't sexy.Anderson is so clear in her position that I start to feel confident. We are in a new age where men and women are economic equals, even at the dinner table.
This is how I work the dating terrain too - I fully believe that whoever asks should pay. And then it goes on to completely nail the other side of that.
That is until Anderson adds this: "My experience," she says, "has been that when women ask men out, it doesn't lead to anything long term."And here it is. Though I would gladly pay should I ask him out (and have), I shouldn't be asking him out. Sigh.
Utterly depressing really. So the guys are winking and liking away, and I'm completely unable to do anything with that except sit back and wait for one of them to balls-up and message me. This is ludicrous.
And maybe the point is that the right guy will be cool with me asking him out, and that will be how I find him. But so far, that isn't working for me. At all. And so in an experiment last week I too tried liking and winking to see if that is all a guy needs to feel encouraged to message me and guess what? The answer is still no. So either every guy out there, even on a paid dating site, is still spineless, or I'm just not a catch. And I have to tell you, I may not love myself in every way, everyday, but I am damn sure that I am a catch.
Your move, men.
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