"You know, I sort of like this dating thing, I'm sort of getting the thing here. What I do is, sit back and watch as these strange men try to impress you in weird and stupid ways and then... and then you pick the least disgusting one, I guess."
Lucy Ackerman in If Lucy Fell (a movie I actually quite adore)I wish I were as relaxed as Lucy. Well, no, maybe I am as relaxed and that's the problem. Maybe I have no filter and I need at least some sort of filter. My problem might be that I always say yes. But I guess you never know until you try, right? You know what actually, I do say no sometimes. Like when that guy approached me downtown bragging about his room at the halfway house. No word of a lie. I said no that time. Well, actually, I said no thanks, I'm very polite. But more recently, I said yes when maybe I should have said no.
I was volunteering at a music show, He was was working sound. It was just after the Reese fiasco so maybe I was looking for a better, last experience (almost anything would be better) or maybe I was just beaten down.
Our introduction was funny. His friend says to me, "Oh, you're tall! You should date my friend Larry* here."
So I say, "Who?" and he says, "Larry, right here."
I peek around the corner and there is Larry, sitting looking sheepish. He stands and is indeed very tall. He is blonde and looks like a little kid though he is a giant.
I say, "Hi Larry, I'm Laura" and thus begins our courtship.
There were a bunch of people around. I just went with it, had fun. We all started joking about why Larry and I were so perfect for each other, you know, us both being tall (I'm actually not that tall, but probably tall among women). and how we should really just marry on the spot. So I ask if anyone is a celebrant and indeed one of the staffers at the concert hall is, and we have a photographer as well, so we joke around, and then Larry and I both have to get to work. Once the show starts I sit with him in the sound booth and we chat a little. He seems very kind and he's also interesting. I don't see a connection though, and yet I give him my phone number. He seems surprised but accepts it.
Later that night he sends a short text saying he enjoyed meeting me and that now I have his number as well. That's it. Simple, nice.
Later that week we make plans to go mini-golfing. He picks me up in an imported European sports car (driver on the right side and everything). The car is cool, but seems a little overdone for someone who seems very understated. Larry says his other car is a minivan and he thought picking me up in the sports car was cooler. I agree.
We go mini-golfing, have good conversation, and I learn that there is more to him than you'd think on first meeting him. He's kind of oafish but in an endearing way. He's chivalrous and considerate. He tells me to figure out who won the golf but it doesn't matter. As nice and interesting as he seems, I'm still not interested.
As we head out we decide to go to dinner and he tells me just to point out anything I see. So I point to once place and he says no. I point to another and he says no. He eventually chooses himself: Applebees. The menu is terrible but I find something to eat, we talk easily, and he pays. Still, I'm not interested.
Larry drives me home and even though I can't see it ever working out, I'm the one who suggests we get together again. And again, he seems surprised. When I get home, for some stupid reason, I send him my email address and home phone number since I hate texting (it's a work mobile, not mine). He responds saying, "So we're supposed to do this again?" And while I know he's half joking, I also know he's half serious. And why did I do that anyway when I'm not interested?
Still, he doesn't call, doesn't email, sends me a couple of scattered text messages. As I'm leaving it to him, nothing goes anywhere. Finally Larry texts me to ask if we're going to go out again. I say no, as kindly and gently as possible.
He didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't there. And I really need to start paying attention to that instinct so I don't end up with more Reeses, but perhaps I also need to say no when I'm not interested so I also don't hurt nice people's feelings.
*Not his real name
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