I've been dating Chef for a couple of weeks now. We've had four dates. I've been waffling a bit on him. He seems like a good fit but nothing is actually happening. I would expect a guy to kiss me by the third date, or at least try, I'll let you know if it's not cool. But if you made it past interview screenings one and two, then I like you enough to now find out if there's also sexual chemistry. If a guy doesn't kiss me by date four or five, he's already put himself in the friend zone. I lose interest because I feel like the interest isn't there. And that's where I'm at with Chef. Nice guy, amusing, intelligent, cooks and has really great eyes (he is a good looking guy) but hasn't tried to make a move (nor has he paid for a date). It's also hard to schedule dates when our schedules are polar opposite most days.
I get intimidation and all that, but I also think that people should know how to date. If not, do some research because there are actually a lot of good articles out there. And date three definitely means we like you enough to let you get a bit closer. So get closer.
Well, I just had an acupuncture treatment. My acupuncturist is truly amazing and she has been a great sounding board for my dating woes and online adventures (I also haven't had a headache/migraine since the end of August). It was her that encouraged me to get online and put myself out there. In today's treatment I told her about Chef, about the current state of things, and that I was now almost certain it was doomed. Her response, based on assessing my pulse and energy as I talked about him: "You're just not into him."
Really, all she did was tell me something I was already thinking and knew. She listened to me (apparently I said his name rather like one might bemoan a looming deadline - with a downward tone and deflated sigh) as well as saw my body language, and felt my body's reaction. Her assessment is bang on. I am not twitterpated.
But if I hadn't already mostly made up my mind, should I use those indicators to do so? Maybe this a new screening process I can use after the second date to decide whether to go on a third? Okay, probably not. Even though my acupuncturist is actually very good at reading me, I should probably just make up my own mind instead of fobbing off such an important decision.
I also understand that sometimes the deeper stuff takes time to grow, but we're not out looking to make friends here. In the world of online dating, early chemistry is really a must. When you meet people through friends again and again, feelings have time to develop. Not so with online dating. I've been on many third and fourth dates where I couldn't wait for the fifth and was a smitten kitten. So I know the difference. I just hate that again, a guy who I think is a catch isn't my catch. But what can I do right? Soldier on I must. But first, the dreadful part. I guess I have to let Chef know we won't be having a fifth date.
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